Spirit vs. Flesh

For some reason, I have always suffered from "the Bad Boy effect." Because while I am the quintessential good girl, I am always attracted to the "bad boys" in the media: Fonzie from "Happy Days," Rhett Butler in the book Gone With The Wind (not the movie), and more recently, the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Even my favorite good guys were fairly violent, always getting into fights defending the woman they loved.
It took me a long time to recognize this trend in my life, and when I did, it troubled me. Why did I, a Christian, find myself attracted to not-necessarily-Christian people and characters? Then again, I had always been level-headed in the romance department of my real life. I had one major crush throughout my entire teen years. I had a two-page essay on the standard I was looking for in a man. Maybe I had it all figured out.
Then came a random guy in a random place at a seemingly random time. We were at my friend's house at the same time. He was hardly anything on my list. He was short, didn't go to church faithfully, drank, partied, smoked, had a practically X-rated MySpace...but he had brown eyes, a charming smile, a horrible childhood, and set his sights on me. To top it off, my parents were totally against it.
A real Romeo and Juliet.
For the first time in my life, I was truly tempted. Satan had laid his trap well.
But Jesus, in spite of it all, was looking out for me too. I definitely believe He allowed this temptation for a specific reason. He let me get just close enough to this guy to see what I would be "missing," to let me see that I didn't want to make that leap, not really. I envision it like a parent lifting their child up to see over a railing, to see how far they will fall if they don't obey warnings.
That summer, I had the most chaotic friendship I've ever had. We enjoyed each other's company, though never alone by mandate of my parents. We spoke on the phone almost two hours a night. But we constantly disagreed, on major things that matter. Our commonalities were over trivial things, such as ordering the same nachos and loving A Muppet Christmas Carol. (This led me to declare to my friend one night, "He doesn't understand! You can't build a relationship on nachos and A Muppet Christmas Carol!" She has declared this her favorite quote ever.)
On top of that, he was irresponsible, unreliable, and unpredictable, and I grew tired of it. He became frustrated when he couldn't wear my defenses down. Eventually he declared it was a dating relationship or nothing and he wound up with nothing.
Satan tried to use that. While we hadn't been dating and it wasn't a breakup, it did leave a void. Suddenly my evenings were empty. The phone was silent. I sat alone in the pew on Sunday morning (although there had always been a brother between us). Whereas before I had felt not-quite-so-single, I now felt more single than ever. Satan tried to persuade me it was my fault, that maybe I could have had everything I ever wanted and I blew it.
Once again, Jesus saved the day. He reminded me that yes, I could have had a boyfriend, but I would have had to forsake everything I truly ever wanted--Jesus and a life in God's will--to have it. I would have grown even lonelier in a relationship where I was the only one interested in serving God. (Recently I heard of a lady whose husband doesn't share her faith and he drank and they fought and now, they haven't heard from him in over a month. She has no idea where he is and if he's okay. I reminded myself that I could very well have escaped that same fate.)
I thought maybe all that would cure me of my bad-boy attraction but it didn't. I fought it again and will probably fight it till my wedding day. (Lucky for me MOST of the time my bad boys are decent people, not punks with their pants around their knees, but bad is bad nonetheless, right?)
But I have come to see it as a very tangible representation of Spirit vs. Flesh. Our flesh will always want the world and the Spirit will always have to help us make the right choice. However the Bible says God is with us every step of the way and I try to cling to that, as should all of us single people. Even those not attracted to the "bad" ones may find themselves attracted to the wrong good ones! In the end, it's God's will that matters, and I know it will be worth the wait!