Trouble in Paradise

Obviously in this job, we are not going to agree on everything. Most of the time, I just shrug it off and do things their way because nothing has been a big deal. Camila is growing into a well-behaved, well-rounded child, so I guess we're doing all right. But right now we are having the biggest disagreement I think we have ever had.
She is going to a Mom's Day Out program two days a week this fall. That means for 8 hours of the week, she will be with people we don't know and children we don't know, in situations she has never been in before. She will be doing arts and crafts and making friends and playing outside, I know. But we do that together.
Obviously, I am not really for this idea. When her mom signed her up, she was pregnant and freaking out about how we would make it with two such young children. I figured a back up plan would ease her mind and let her do it, assuming she wouldn't really go through with it once A) she saw how well we could handle two, and B) she realized how young Camila really is. She is potty trained, yes, but she isn't even two yet!
Her mom is still determined to go through with it, even though she is nervous and not sure it is the right thing to do either. She is getting frustrated that I am not coaching her through like I do most things (for example, potty training!). I finally had to confess to her how I was feeling and why I hadn't spoken up before. She was surprised at first, I think, but then interpreted it as Camila is just still my baby and I can't stand the thought of her growing up. But she now isn't expecting my support as much, so I will say open communication is the best route to take.
It's just that kids change a lot between two and three. She is going to be facing changing behaviors in other kids and won't know how to handle them. When we are with her, we can tell her the right way to react the first time. For instance she was playing with an older girl that had a toy she wanted. I could tell she wanted the toy, but wouldn't do anything about it. I finally asked her about it and suggested she ask the girl if she could have a turn with it, because I could tell the other girl didn't care that much, she just didn't know that she wanted it. Camila walked up to her and said, "My turn, please?" The girl gave her the toy and everyone was happy.
When she is by herself, she doesn't know what to do. She may get frustrated and just try to grab it away, not knowing what else to do, and then she will get in trouble for it. (As she should, because she needs to know that's not right.) If a child is picking on her, I'm afraid she'll have had enough and bite them for it. When she is four or even three, we can tell her at home, "When so-and-so does this, go tell a teacher, etc.". At two, she can't think ahead and later remember things like that. She only knows here and now.
And when she sees other kids misbehaving, I tell her "That's ugly, huh? We don't do that because we're going to be nice." At school she will not have that interference run and may decide some of this stuff would be cool to try! She is only a baby!
I also don't think she's ready mentally and emotionally. We've worked for almost two years on a trust basis, of how she could try anything because we would be right there with her. Now we're going to just dump her off with strangers? (In daycare, the 2 year old rooms were the absolute worst rooms to have new kids because they had no clue what was going on.) She won't use the potty anywhere but home, so who knows how the potty training thing is going to go there. (She's completely trained now; even in public, if she has to go, she holds it till we get home.)
It's one of those situations where I have done so much "co-parenting" that it's frustrating that no one is listening to me. They insist if she hates it they'll pull her out after a few weeks and try again later. (I still maintain she might love it, but pick up a lot of bad behaviors that we can better avoid when she is older.) For her sake, I hope she doesn't hate it, but I also want to be right. Isn't that terrible? But one more thing...Mom's Day Out was designed for poor frazzled mothers that want a couple hours for doctor's appointments and grocery shopping, not children with nannies that don't want a break from the child anyway. If we pull out, someone that really needs the spot may get it. Sooooo it's not totally selfish, right?
If anyone has anything to say that might make me feel better, I am ready to listen!

Pictures

Finally, some pictures! With potty training and Camila's anti-camera mode, it's been harder to take some and even harder to remember to upload and post them, but I think we have gotten some cuties. :)

I LOVE these colors on her!

She was having a tea party with the Wiggles.

Whereas Camila has been anti-camera, Emi has been a total ham.

I had another good one of Emi grinning but Camila looking clueless. I need to use Photoshop and transpose the heads so it LOOKS like they're both smiling...but that's dishonest.

Haha little stinker, all of 5 months old now! ( When I was little if I said "we should buy this" or "we need to" do something, my dad would ask me, "Got a mouse in your pocket?" So this outfit amuses me.)

Stinker #2 (or technically, #1). She was grinning because I pretended to flip out when she asked me something and she thought it was hilarious. She's big into the "action-reaction" concept right now.

I LOVE this! Poor baby doesn't get read to as much as Camila did but I try to tell myself Camila helps make up for it because she talks to her and interacts with her, teaching her words.

Haha her "Oh, paparazzi, how surprising you have caught me here!" face. To me it looks straight off of a tabloid. But it's cute.

Tip #2: Identity

One thing about this job that really took me by surprise: it can change your whole identity. When I was in daycare, there was still a professional air to things. I was just a person that worked in a place of childcare. I had set hours, a boss, a set paycheck, co-workers (and co-worker issues), my "class" changed constantly, so that while I got attached to kids, they were soon taken away from me. But especially after I went to an 8-hour schedule, it was a job. Nannying can become a lifestyle.
If you've read this blog much you see how much I love these girls and how involved we are in each other's lives. Tonight I'm keeping them overnight again, and it's not a big deal for any of us (except maybe thier mother, but it's more of a guilt thing than a worry thing). Most of the town thinks I have two kids. People at Petsmart, Booksamillion, grocery stores, ice cream joints, and Blockbuster often look at me strangely when I come in alone and exclaim, "Where are the kids?" Our recent potty training experience caused some of my friends to complain, "Can you talk about ANYTHING else?" I know more about breastfeeding than I ever really wanted to know. I drive a minivan. I sometimes go to bed by 8 or 9. And honestly there are a lot of times where I have no social life outside of playdates and walks with a neighborhood mom.
Whether this change is positive or negative is up to you. Some people poke fun at me (most just in sport, but some are derisive), while others think it's great. Sometimes I myself even get a little upset that I'm not having more fun. Particularly when I'm going home with the party crowd, but only because I was watching kids while parents partied. And even if I tried, I probably wouldn't have stayed awake. But later, when I've slept and am in a more rational mood, I have to laugh. Because I'm not a partier. A big night out for me is bowling, or watching a movie at Rachel's house. And if I had my way, I would be married with two kids of my own right now, not out running wild. So in a roundabout way, I'm doing what I really want to do, so what am I complaining about?
What I'm trying to say, just can't seem to condense, is that you have to make the choice to embrace these changes or not. If you can't, I would advise a different job. While I fought it and complained, I found I wasn't happpy, and my employer DID pick up on it a little, just wasn't sure what was wrong with me. Once I realized it was okay to have "no life" according to some people, I felt much better. I still do.
So while friends get frustrated when I can't go do anything fun on a weekday (or even some weekends), I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing until it's not right anymore. In a lot of ways, I hope more people can manage to find happiness like that. A lot of my employers' friends have nanny troubles,and while some people are just hard to work for, I think it's because a lot of people are unprepared for what the job requires and never learn to love it.
But if you think you can handle all the time, attention, attachment, and flexibility that goes into it, give it a shot! It's a great job.

Big Girl

Someone suggested I do a weekly post about cute things Camila says or does. I like this idea, but am not sure what to call it. Does anyone have a suggestion?

This past week we potty trained and it seems to be sticking. She is not accident free all the time, but there is usually an explanation for the accident, such as she was asleep (her cough isn't helping things) or we didn't get to her in time.

When she went potty, we would give her a small candy. Apparently one evening last week her mom asked her during a discussion of her day, "And did the potty give you candy?"
She stared at her mom with disgust. "NO. BABA candy." I have to admit, I wouldn't be crazy about the idea that my candy came from the potty either!

When she used the potty with dry panties, we made phone calls, at least the first few times. Friday, her mother called her. Emi was crying for a bottle, so I just picked up the handset and handed it to Camila. She got very excited and walked off, cradling the phone to her ear. "Hi, Mama!" I got Emi settled and sat in the living room with her. After a few minutes, Camila suddenly said, "Bye, Mama!" and threw the phone to me. I told her mother she was done and hung it up.
As I was washing Emi's bottle, Camila brought the phone back. "Call Gaga?" (Gaga is her name for her paternal grandmother.)
"Sure. Or we can go see if she's on Skype." She eyed me skeptically, so I decided maybe she wasn't thrilled with that. "Do you want to use the phone or Skype?"
"Phone."
I dialed the number for her and when her grandmother picked up, explained that "Camila wanted to call and talk to you." I handed her the phone and she flounced out of the kitchen, away from me, as if to say, "I've got this." I followed her anyway and watched as she laid back on a mat on the floor, legs kicked up in the air. She looked so big, almost like a mini teenager. She laid there a full five minutes, chatting with her grandma about the whereabouts of various family members and the escapades of Mickey Mouse. It was so cute!

Then yesterday, since we have done so well pottying, we decided to venture out to Booksamillion. We found a book her mother had asked me to pick up, as well as a Dora book and the CUTEST Dr. Seuss book ("The Digging-est Dog") and headed for the register. Suddenly she froze. "MICKEY! MINNIE!"
She picked up two pens, with the characters on the top. "I buy it!" Before I could stop her, she marched up to an empty register, plopped them on the counter, and announced again, "I buy it."
The cashier smiled at her (this store is one of our favorite hangouts, so people vaguely know us). "You're going to buy these?"
"Camila, where's your money?" I asked.
She looked down at her pocketless dress and held it out. She lifted both hands in a shrug. "Money all gone!" Her face was so crestfallen we had to laugh.
"I guess your mommy will just have to buy it for you then, huh?" The cashier explained to me that she has a 2 1/2 year old daughter. "Just wait till she turns two!"
I didn't tell her we're already there in entirely too many ways. But she minds her manners well out in public (and mostly in private, we're just dealing with a little temper here and there), and most people are utterly charmed. In addition, her mother is teaching her some words, such as "bald" in Portuguese so if she chooses to comment on anything in public, no one will be able to understand her!

Tip #1: Positivity Is Key

Okay well I'm still taking suggestions if anyone has them. I do think I had a comment issue over the weekend, so if you tried making a suggestion it just didn't work, I apologize.


So anyway, it recently occurred to me that being a nanny is almost like being some kind of life coach. For me personally, I have to encourage the mother almost as much as the kids. My employer was never around children and knew very little about them. She's picked it up pretty as much as she goes along and is doing fairly well.


A prime example of this entire concept is what I am doing right now: potty training. (Squeamish readers may want to exit at this time.) Camila just finished day 3. Since we got the plan for "3-Day Potty Training", her mother assumed we would be completely done and fancy-free at this time. We're not.


Don't get me wrong, Camila is doing very well in that from the very first accident, she knew to go to the potty and has even asked to sit and try. Today she made #2 for the first time since we started, IN the potty with dry panties! The main problem is that she doesn't recognize when she has to go #1 until she is already going. It starts, she yells "Pee-pee in the potty!" and tries to run. If I pick her up and run her to the toilet she can stop it but she can't stop it while running so the poor baby just kind of waddles. She manages to stop it and finishes in the potty. But I seriously have never seen a child so motivated and mentally invested in it. She WANTS to do this, she just can't get the feel of the controls. I vote we stick with it until she gets it because mentally, she is already there, she's just trying to catch up on the physical side.


As some of you know, this is a good start. Some kids utterly refuse, some sneak off and hide to wet themselves, some just aren't interested. We are blessed!


But still, every night, I've had to give her mom a pep talk via text. I assure her she's doing well, point out the areas that have improved, and remind her we can do it. (And discourage her from even CONSIDERING bringing the diapers back out!) She calms down and says she'll trust me on it, admitting that she does see improvement. Let me state that she was the one that wanted to do it, I just said I would support her and be up for it whenever she decided to do it. I did not push her into it and am not having to push her to support my idea.


This is true of pretty much every situation. A lot of nannies work for new parents, and a lot of them are new to children in general from what I hear. They need encouragement.

One more thing: it takes a lot of work to stay positive yourself. For instance, there is a very snide part of me that wonders why her mother gets so overwhelmed after two hours on her own when I am working 9 hour days this week, with her home only for short breaks. How do I end up giving HER pep talks? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

But I have the experience to encourage me, I know that we can do this. She doesn't. It's entirely new territory to her. So sometimes even if I don't feel positive, I have to BE positive.

And YES! Her mother texted me as I was writing this and said that Camila tried to go before bed and couldn't. She asked to go again as they laid her down and didn't. She called out shortly after and this time she went, dry panties and all! THEN she just texted me again and said she WOKE UP and called for them to come get her (she's still in a crib) and take her potty. It took them a minute to get in there so she dribbled a little but HOW AWESOME is that???? YAY!

See? Positivity works!!!!

Any Ideas?

So I'm thinking of trying to organize this blog a little better...any suggestions? I was thinking maybe once a week some sort of tip of being a nanny, but I'm not sure what else. I can't post EVERY day, but maybe just two or three days could be spoken for.

Meanwhile, here are a couple pictures!

Emi all dressed up for church.

I found that $48 dress on sale for $7. Go me!

Emi went to Camila's play class with us yesterday and even got to sit in the circle (in a bumbo).

We are on a no-smiling-for-the-camera kick again.

Which makes this picture of them BOTH smiling at the SAME time a momentous occasion.

She's been such a comedian lately. I love 4 months. It's the perfect age!

Two Homes

I fully intended to do another post last week, but got sick around Tuesday and was pretty much down for the count. (I only missed two days of work but Wednesday was ROUGH.)
Backtracking, I must say I am very impressed, yet saddened, by how grown-up Camila is becoming. I toted both of them to church with me again Sunday and she didn't do as well in the service this time but she made it through the song time and the offering.
At offering time my brother gave her a dollar. I whispered in her ear, "Are you going to give that to Jesus?" (I've been trying to work on her concept of God lately.)
She turned to the elderly man seated next to us and held out the dollar. "Here you go!" Apparently our concept needs more work.
She was squirmy through the singing so before the sermon started I said, "How about we go to the nursery?"
She clapped her hands. "Yay! Nursery!"
Emi was content in my mother's arms so I walked Camila back. There were only two other children so after giving her a minute, I told her I was going to go listen in church then I'd be back for her in a little bit. She wasn't concerned so I left her there.
When I came back she was happily playing. They said she had only gotten teary eyed once!
Tuesday we went to play at a local play area and she played extremely well, both with a little boy with Downs Syndrome and with a very pushy older girl. I'm so proud of how well she gets along with others.
Then later this week, I got sick and a babysitter came in to help while I was out (bronchitis, I think). She did well Thursday but Friday she was so hard to deal with that her mom let the babysitter go early. That night her mom asked if she liked the babysitter. She said she grew serious and said, "Baba [her name for me]? Baba coming home?"
She thought maybe I had left her and the other girl was my replacement. She thinks her home is MY home too. Her mom explained that I was sick, so she promptly fetched the Vicks for me! I felt like a horrible person for being sick. :(
But I go back to her tomorrow, and hopefully she will be happy that I am "home".